Timeless Maidens

Today is Old Maid’s day which is pretty funny because who knew there was a day for these things? In any case, I thought this was relatively hilarious and couldn’t pass up the chance to write a celebratory post for this almost sad topic about my favourite fictional characters who are flying solo but don’t necessarily deserve to be so.

Thus we arrive at:

Kirstie’s (Non) Definitive List of Single Pringles Who Need a Pal

Catchy, no? Of course, I’ve probably forgotten about 78% of characters who deserve this title but cease throwing potatoes at me because this is all just a bit of fun. Grab some biscuits, ladles and jellyspoons, because this is going to be fun.

Bachelorette Number One

Miranda from Is It Just Me?
Miranda Hart

Because we can’t possibly start a list of seriousness without breaking the rules. Miranda is,  of course, not a fictional character, but I think she definitely deserves a mention. You’ve quite possibly watched her hilarious TV sitcom about herself where she bumbles around like the most perfect idiot. If you haven’t , then, my dear friend, fix your ways.

Miranda is HILARIOUS. I don’t think that she does necessarily needs someone but I think all the wondrous shenanigans that she gets up to (such as, playing sing star with the vacuum cleaner) could be doubled in fun with an equally beautiful person. Her autobiography, Is It Just Me?, is one of the funniest books I’ve read in my whole life and I highly recommend giving it a go if you’re a fan of Miranda.

Bachelorette Number Two

Rosie from According to Yes
Dawn French

I have to say I really debated about including this one. I have mixed feelings about this book all up. I love Dawn French, let’s start with that. I think she’s a very funny lady and I think she has some funny stories to tell. However, the events that took place in this book were somewhat surprising. Rosie is an independent woman who moves to New York from England to become a nanny for two boys in a very, very wealthy family.

The book follows an almost self-growth journey and it is really quite good. I won’t talk about what I wasn’t so sure about because it would spoil you but I do think that it’s o.k. and that the book doesn’t necessarily suffer from it. The message of this book, live life according to yes, is very beautiful (I think Rosie might just take it a little too far) and I think there are some really beautiful scenes in this story. This is definitely a book to read for a bit of self motivation and gleaning some insight on being confident (but not too confident – oh, you’ll see what I mean).

Bachelor Number Three

Mark Watney from The Martian
Andy Weir

So maybe I’m breaking the rules again by discussing a member of the opposite gender in this post but FIGHT ME. I have dragons on my side so I can assure you you’ll lose. I wanted to discuss him here because I think Mark is a very interesting and smart person and he’s a character I’d love to be for day, a character I’d love to know what happens next to (although, not like in the movie, bleh), and a character I’d truly, definitely love to be friends with.

Throughout The Martian (don’t worry, no spoilers) we learn a lot about Mark, about his personality and endurance (I think he might be the definition of endurance). But the one question I thought that was left unanswered was his singleness. There are quite a few references to the family of his other crew mates but it’s all about his parents for him. Maybe this is meant to emphasise the almost child-like hilarity of his character but I think this man could do a companion – I think anyone who finds themselves stuck on Mars could probably do with a companion to be fair, but shush, you.

 Bachelorette Number Four

Miss Honey from Matilda
Roald Dahl

Miss Honey has to be one of my favourite singe pringles out there. I admit that my memory of the book is almost non-existent these days but I do love the movie so, so much. She’s a beautiful character and one of the kindest fictional characters of ever. She’s so sweet and supportive of Matilda and I think she’s a really nice representative of those memories you have of good school days and your favourite teacher (hopefully you have these, yes?).

I find it sad that she’s alone in the book. I think as the story progresses it does sort of make sense – it’s almost as if she’s stuck in the mindset of a child who’s trying not to displease her parents, which is sort of contradictory to her parent-like figure to Matilda but hey, we’re not here to talk logic. In retrospect, if someone asked me what fictional character would I like to meet the most, after nearly saying something like: RENSNAPEHARRYHERMIONEKAZASHTHEDARKLING, I’d probably settle on: Miss Honey.

Bachelorette Number Five

Lady Tremaine from Cinderella
Loek Koopmans

Because we can’t properly have fun without discussing some villains now, can we? This evil lady is going on this list because although she has been married she’s now single and horrible and just good fun to bag on. I think we’re all familiar with the role she plays in this story.

I absolutely hate Lady Tremaine (in the good way?) because she’s so, so awful to poor Cinderella. I always find it so frustrating when you get that story with someone who infiltrates someone else’s life and jousts them out of their happiness, usually involving the death of a family member or two (actually, come to think of it, I read a book with a similar premise recently: Cartwheeling in Thunderstorms). I’m a big fan of the most recent adaptation with Lily James and Cate Blanchett, I thought Lady Tremaine’s character was represented absolutely perfectly here: bitter, selfish, desperate.

 Bachelorette Number Six

Bridget from Bridget Jones’ Diary
Helen Fielding

I think it’s safe to say that Bridget Jones is THE ultimate spinster. I confess I haven’t read the books yet (although I did finally buy the first one this year, so pat on the back for me there) but I’ve watched the movies more times than I can count and I love the story so much. I don’t know about you, but if I ever need cheering up I either grab some chocolate and watch this or throw on some pyjamas, crank up the volume to All By Myself, and have an emergency dance part, Cath style.

Bridget is so hilariously single, she’s that super relatable character of the awkward, bumbling idiot who manages to get everything wrong even when provided with multiple opportunities. Luckily for Bridget, that opportunity comes in the form of Colin Firth (in the movies) so, I mean, if it were me, even coming close to that man would leave me contented to be single forever and eaten by Alsatians.

Bachelorette Number Seven

Elinor from Sense and Sensibility
Jane Austen

Again, I confess to have not read the book for this one yet. However! It is one of my favourite movies (with Kiera Knightly, Emma Thompson, Hugh Grant, Hugh Laurie, Alan Rickman, etc) so I feel that I can justify my babblings of how good this is (again, if you disagree, feel free to consult my FIRE BREATHING DRAGONS).

Elinor is the sister of the main character, Marianne (don’t you just love that name?), who’s a quietly disappointed character about her lack of a husband. In the movie, it just breaks my heart to see these two struggle through the ridiculousness of 19th century Britain. It’s quite similar to the story of Jane and Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice, I suppose, I just prefer this one more so.

Bachelorette Number Eight

Vida Winter from The Thirteenth Tale
Dianne Setterfield

This is a bit of a creepy one. I loved this book so much – it’s a mystery thriller, but don’t worry, it’s not too scary (trust me, I don’t do scary). Vida Winter is the main point of topic in this book – the main character, Margaret, is set the task of writing down this woman’s biography. Of course, this is a pretty big thing because Miss Winter has always very much so kept to herself and no-one really knows her story.

I don’t think, knowing how the book goes, that Miss Winter ever deserved to be with someone. However, I think it’s a fascinating backstory to a mysterious spinster author who has a really quite dark past. I mean, if you’re going to have a reason for being eternally on your lonesome then Miss Winter wins the crown.

Bachelor Number Nine

Sherlock from The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Oh look! Here I am breaking my rules again. Of course I had to include Sherlock on this list. He is THE bachelor of fiction. Well, he is to me. I think that the Sherlock stories are such a wild ride and I love all the adaptations of it that have been done. I’ve only read The Hound of the Baskervilles myself, and it was extremely good. I’ve heard that “if that’s the only one you’ve read, it’s a good one to have read”, from many people so here’s me recommending this one to you.

I think Sherlock’s case is a bit different to be fair. Firstly, he does have John Watson (and calm down ladies, I only mean this in a friendship way) and he is sort of just that weird he doesn’t care, but I still think he’s a beautiful high functioning sociopath and I get a little sad every now and then thinking of him all on his lonesome.

Bachelor Number Ten

Snape from The Harry Potter Series
J. K. Rowling

I can practically feel the stab wounds I just caused in you all. I apologise. But how can one make a post dedicated to the singleness of people and not mention Snape!? I know he’s a highly controversial character but I’m determined to love him for the tragedy that is his past so allow me to flail, thank you.

I’ve always found it heartbreaking how alone Snape has always been (see what I did there?) in his life. He was bullied at school, he doesn’t get the girl, he doesn’t even get happiness. But I think he is still faithful to the memory of Lily, if perhaps a little stiff in his ways of carrying this out. Snape is definitely the tragic single pringle of this list but he will forever deserve a mention.

So now that I’ve concluded on that incredibly depressing note, let’s all curl up in a ball for about 14 minutes, shall we?

Well, I had great fun making this list and brainstorming some of my favourites spinsters in fiction. There are so many other characters who solider on alone that I could mention but we’d end up being here for days. I think the ones that don’t get the girl/boy are always some of my favourite characters in books especially if they take it like a champ. It’s refreshing to get that gentle peep through the window from reality every now and then – unfortunately we’re not always going to end up snogging the beautifully perfect and chiseled Prince from insert kingdom here. Only sometimes.

 Who’s your favourite fictional spinster?

Let me know in the comments below!

End Note

~~ Kirstie ~~

6 thoughts on “Timeless Maidens

  1. I love Miranda Hart more than anyone on this earth. She’s so hilarious. I honestly wish I could be her best friend—I think I’d spend most of my life crying from laughter.

    Liked by 1 person

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